When people aren't who you think they are?
I recently learned that someone I know is a terrible liar and a cheat. At first I didn't believe it, but their 'house of cards' has come tumbling down and there seems little doubt that they've been lying to everyone and even cheating some people out of money. It's really terrible.
The sad thing is that I really liked this person and I never would have doubted them until a friend of mine started talking about some doubts she had. Things quickly went from there and now the person I felt I knew is clearly not that person at all. I suppose the person has a crippeling Low self esteem, even though they pretend not to. Or maybe they're just a bad person?
It's left me feeling quite shocked and I did a little searching online to find information and learn what the ways are that we can spot these people, the liars and cheats who are walking among us.
I found a few websites, and time and again I kept reading this point; When people are honest, they usually expect that you will believe them. If someone says phrases such as “to be perfectly honest” or “I swear I’m telling the truth” that could clue you in that they are lying. Honest people don’t feel the need to convince you of their honesty.
In an article called 12 Questions to Ask Someone to See if They are Lying the author, Natalia Kesselman, writes that liars often "leave out sensory details, frequently admit to faulty memory, make spontaneous corrections, keep it short and vague, not make sense and be full of contradictions, seem to be thinking hard, make few complaints or negative comments, or talk unusually slowly." That's definitely a behavior I saw.
Some sites had some funny claims, but there's a lot of good information out there. We rarely question the stories people tell us. Social media is a tool used by some people to create stories about who they are. My advice is dig a little deeper. If they have few long term friends, that's probably a red flag. If they talk badly about their family, or use subjects like rape, sexual abuse, or a life threatening illness to put whole periods of their life 'off limits' in conversation, you might want to pay attention to other things they say more closely. It's terrible, but liars use these painful subjects and our respect for their triggering nature as a way to manipulate others.
It's been a lesson for my friends and I. I guess we'll see how this all unfolds.
The sad thing is that I really liked this person and I never would have doubted them until a friend of mine started talking about some doubts she had. Things quickly went from there and now the person I felt I knew is clearly not that person at all. I suppose the person has a crippeling Low self esteem, even though they pretend not to. Or maybe they're just a bad person?
It's left me feeling quite shocked and I did a little searching online to find information and learn what the ways are that we can spot these people, the liars and cheats who are walking among us.
I found a few websites, and time and again I kept reading this point; When people are honest, they usually expect that you will believe them. If someone says phrases such as “to be perfectly honest” or “I swear I’m telling the truth” that could clue you in that they are lying. Honest people don’t feel the need to convince you of their honesty.
In an article called 12 Questions to Ask Someone to See if They are Lying the author, Natalia Kesselman, writes that liars often "leave out sensory details, frequently admit to faulty memory, make spontaneous corrections, keep it short and vague, not make sense and be full of contradictions, seem to be thinking hard, make few complaints or negative comments, or talk unusually slowly." That's definitely a behavior I saw.
Some sites had some funny claims, but there's a lot of good information out there. We rarely question the stories people tell us. Social media is a tool used by some people to create stories about who they are. My advice is dig a little deeper. If they have few long term friends, that's probably a red flag. If they talk badly about their family, or use subjects like rape, sexual abuse, or a life threatening illness to put whole periods of their life 'off limits' in conversation, you might want to pay attention to other things they say more closely. It's terrible, but liars use these painful subjects and our respect for their triggering nature as a way to manipulate others.
It's been a lesson for my friends and I. I guess we'll see how this all unfolds.
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